Til I'm Gone
by paigesays
Summary: Miranda: I don't know where we went wrong. Everything seemed perfect.  Beth: I saw we were all broken. It tore the remaining pieces apart.  Marie: I couldn't hide it anymore. I lost trust.  Renee: Trust was just one issue.  Paige: I was content with darkn
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

_Dear Reader:_  
_ If you are reading this, then I am dead. That, or you just have no respect for people's privacy or lack of basic reading skills because I'm pretty sure it does say clearly on the box holding this document: _DO NOT OPEN UNTIL TIME IS RIGHT_. Seriously. It's clearly written on the label. If I am still alive and well, I ask you to please (1) stop reading & (2) put this back where you found it. If in reality I am clearly and absolutely deceased then please continue reading. _

_For a while now, I've been thinking about taking my life, which is probably not a surprise for you. So either I've succeeded or just got lucky. However, though it seems that the time has come & this letter is now in the your hands; you, one of my closest, trusted friends (or all of you), I want you all to know that it's okay. I'm fine. I accepted the concept of death a long time ago, so please don't mourn for me now that I'm gone. You never mourned for me when I was alive. So my death should be no different._

_XOXO,_  
_ Paige_


	2. Chapter 1  Paige

Chapter 1 - Paige

They say that when you die, your life flashes before you eyes. For me, when I died, my life did exactly the opposite. For me, it was like I was still living. I saw the accident in slow motion. I saw the paramedics wheel my lifeless body away, screaming at each other that I needed saving, when in actuality, I needed much, much more than that. I saw my parents crying, finally together for once. I saw my friends, too shocked to speak, to shocked to think. I could read and see all of their expressions, yet they could not see me. I was gone, into a lifeless world of nothingness. I felt as if I was a shadow, lurking in the background, hoping and waiting for someone to haunt in their dreams. I felt like a soul trapped with a story waiting to get out. I was gone. I was ready to finally express myself. And I did exactly that.


	3. Chapter 2  Paige

**Chapter 2 - Paige**

_Two months earlier..._

Before death, I was somewhat content with life. The day came for me to finally end it all. And I wanted to. That day, I felt as if I ruled the world. I woke up with enthusiasm. I never had so much enthusiasm for school before, yet today seemed different. I had extra time to get ready. I looked in the mirror at, not a depressed, angry person, but an actual seventeen-year-old girl. There were no bags underneath my eyes, my hair wasn't a mess as it usually was, my light brown eyes had a sparkle of excitement to them.

I had enough time for breakfast. Enough time to catch my mom who had just come home from her late shift before she went to sleep. Enough time to read a chapter out of the new book I had just bought. It was the ideal day. The silence of the house was calming, peaceful even. Knowing that all the pain would end tonight was enough to get me through one more day of pretending, one more day of crying, one more day of pain. One more day... & I'd be gone. Before I left, I kissed my mom goodbye and told her that I loved her one more time.

As I stepped out, I took in the deep southern California breeze that had always awoken me. The sky was pale blue, like it always was right before summer began. It was the last day of my junior year at Redondo Beach High School. My last day. Period.

It made me curious about how I had become friends with Miranda, Renee, Beth, and Marie. How we all came to be best friends. I pondered our relationships and realized that we were all completely different in several ways. But I guess that's what sorta brought us all together: the fact that we were so different that we understood each other on the most personal levels. But as much as I knew that we got each other, I knew that we were all on different pages.

We all had specific flaws or baggage we had to deal with like everyone else. But we were different from the average teenager. Like one step ahead.

My deal always was that even though I loved them to death, I felt like I was taken for granted. And I didn't know what I had to do to make sure that they realized that. I didn't want a big deal out of it. So I tried my best to stay quiet in all situations.

I was always the one to be forgotten. Always to the side, watching and waiting until someone got hurt. It was assumed that I was the kill joy and I wouldn't want to have any part in it anyway. No one went to any extremes to acknowledge the shit I went through for each of them.

That was why I decided to go through with it. To go through with death. It wouldn't matter if I was gone then right? I wanted the disappointment from my parents, from my friends, and from me to go away. You don't know what you have until it's gone right? So getting rid of something that doesn't exist shouldn't make a difference. Right?

I thought about all of this while I pulled my white Acura into Miranda's driveway. As I honked, she was practically running out the door in excitement. As she opened the car door, she threw a box of donuts into the backseat and shoved coffee into my hands. "Hey boo," she said, getting into my car.

"Hey," I smiled at her. "What's with the coffee?"  
"For you," she replied matter-of-factly. "I feel like you do too much."  
I took a sip as I cringed to make it seem as if it was the coffee-rather than what she said-that bothered me. "Thanks. You ready?"  
She nodded and beamed her all-too-perfect smile at me. I gave her a once over and saw that she had dressed like she usually did: black skinny jeans, a white V-neck, combat boots, and a denim jacket. Her long black hair tied into a messy side braid that complimented her thin face and high cheek bones. Her make-up was hardly there but her face a pretty as ever. She was always smiling. I recalled a certain time when she cried about her parents' divorce. We were freshmen and she was scared. I was there through most, if not all, the fights and I made sure that she was strong. Having been through it before, it seemed like the easiest thing in the world for me. But it was her world crumbling down. That had been the time when I finally understood her.

She was the shortest out of all of my friends, but had the biggest personality. We met in eighth grade when she had showed up to one of my school's lame dances, not caring what anybody thought when she started to dance on the tables. We'd been friends ever since. No one understood me like she did; we had too much in common. Both only children with screwed up parents. We had completely different personalities though. She was always the more liked one. She was a people person, I was not. I hated people, when Miranda loved their attention. Even though she was borderline obnoxious, I always seemed to put up with it. She made friends easily, but promised me that no one knew her like I did. Our bond seemed to be unbreakable, yet never enough for me.

As I drove to our next stop, she chatted about random things we both liked. "Did you watch the game last night?" she asked excitedly.  
"Of course!" I grinned smugly. "Buzzer beater."  
"Whatever," she joked.  
I decided to continue the conversation with random shit that didn't really matter. "Dude. So I was texting David last night about Renee... and like I think he's gonna ask her out."  
"Shut up! I knew it."  
"I know right? Don't say anything yet though. He wants it to be a surprise."

Once we were parked across the street from Beth's house, Miranda leaned over to honk long and noisily. Beth walked out of her garage with a smile and her middle finger up in the air pointed straight at Miranda. She sauntered across the street, wearing flats, capris, a flannel, and her curly, blond hair in a tight bun. She had sunglasses on to hide her hangover. But that was Beth, always trouble. The first thing she noticed when she slipped herself into the backseat was the box of donuts.

"Heeeey, guys!" She gasped. "It's like Christmas. What's the occasion, boss?" Already reaching into the box.  
"Gosh, does everything need an occasion?" Miranda retorted, pretending to take offense to this. "It's for us. Just because you guys are the bestest friends in the whole entire planet."  
"Well," Beth struggled to speak with a donut stuffed in her mouth, "if I had known that _this_ was our payment for being your friends, then I would've treated you nicely a long time ago."  
"Hey, hey, hey!" I shouted in panic. "You know the rules. If you get crumbs-"  
"Yes, we know," Miranda rolled her eyes. She continued in her sarcastic monotony, "If we mess up your car in any way, shape, or form, we pay for your gas, the damage, AND the car wash."  
"Just making sure," I winked.


End file.
